In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
