i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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