i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
