why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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