i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
