RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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