The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He better not be in your backpack
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
