I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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