today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
