Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
