im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
