Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
