I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
