You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize