Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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