i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
