This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
