After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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