i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
