so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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