we have officially lost it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
