hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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