woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
