so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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