Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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