How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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