Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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