just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
