Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
