you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
