Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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