you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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