Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
