Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
