did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
