I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
