How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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