oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
