all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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