I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
