i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
