This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i came on her dog
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
