I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
