So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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