Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize