For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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