her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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