Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wear drunk well.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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