I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
