You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
