just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
