I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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