I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
