I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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