you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
