did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
