i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
