Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
