i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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