You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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