i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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