It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
