she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The air was thick with penises
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
