fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
