I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We have so much sex to catch up on
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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