omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
