fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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