...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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