i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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