The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
