How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
