Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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