I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They took my balls.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
