I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
