There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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