It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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