No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
