my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize