Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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