listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize